Trust Me
by musiclover248
Summary: A Linstead story set post season 3 episode 14. Yates' return to Chicago causes Erin to reflect on Nadia's death and stirs up some painful memories that she had been repressing. Jay realizes that something is wrong and tries to get her to open up.


The warm sunlight streamed in through the window, stretching it's fingers onto the pair lying in bed. A tired Jay gently lifted his arm to block the unusually bright sun from his eyes, careful not to wake the woman sleeping next to him. He peeled back the thin sheet covering them and got up to close the blinds. As he stood looking out at the Chicago skyline, his mind started to wander, imagining how perfect it would be to spend the rest of his life with Erin, have kids, and grow old together.

Suddenly, he heard a noise behind him, dragging him away from his thoughts. It was muffled but sounded like crying. He quietly walked back to the bed, trying to assess the situation. Erin was still asleep, although rather fitfully, and tears were rolling down her cheeks. She was having another nightmare.

He reached out and gently shook her, "Erin, wake up." Slowly she started to stir. When she opened her eyes she could see Jay's face and his expression was full of pity. She quickly rolled over and discreetly tried to wipe the tears from her face. This was precisely the reason she hid her emotions, she couldn't handle people pitying her for her feelings, especially the one she loved.

"Are you okay? Please don't ignore me, I want to help," Jay pleaded, his voice full of concern.

"It's nothing, just another nightmare, don't worry about it," she said, trying to deter him from asking any more questions.

"Erin, look at me. I know you don't like talking about this stuff, but I want to know what's going on and I may be able to help. There is nothing you can say that is going to scare me away."

"Not now, Jay," she said simply.

He crawled back into bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to her breathing. As she started to fall asleep she instinctively rolled towards him, quickly snuggling into his warm embrace. He watched her as she slept, her face finally beginning to relax a little. Once he knew she was okay again, he quickly fell asleep again.

When Jay woke up agin the apartment was filled with the smell of fresh pancakes. He hopped up quickly, stopping for a second to throw on some pyjamas, and made his way to the kitchen. When he got there, however, the room was empty. There were some pancakes on a plate and a note on a piece of blue paper. It read:

 _Had to get out of the apartment for a bit. Gone for a run. I shouldn't be long, help yourself to the pancakes._

 _Love, Erin_

He grabbed the pancakes and settled in in front of the tv, his cell on his leg in case she called. He always hated when she took off like this, especially when he was already worried about her. Yates return had really affected her and she was not in a good head space. There were so many things that could go wrong and it terrified him. He could barely taste the pancakes, it was like eating cardboard, and he couldn't focus on watching the tv.

He tried to be patient but he was very anxious. She had been gone for almost two hours. He frantically called her cell, he just wanted to hear her voice, to know she was okay. She didn't answer. He was just getting ready to call Voight when he heard her key in the door.

"Where were you?" Jay asked with a stern voice.

"I told you, I went for a run. Besides I'm not a little kid, I don't need a babysitter," she barked back. It would be clear to anyone that she was upset about something, but Jay knew that pushing her when she was like this was useless.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I was just worried, you were gone for a long time and you didn't answer your cell, I thought something might be wrong.

She brushed him off and walked towards the shower, abruptly ending the conversation. She didn't have the patience to listen to him babble today. She just wanted some time to herself. She turned on the tap and got undressed before hopping into the shower.

Jay found himself analyzing their exchange is his mind, lost as to what he had done. He cared about her and wanted to make sure she was okay, was that so wrong. It seemed anytime that he tried to get closer to her she pushed him away. He didn't understand why it was so difficult for her to realise how important she was to him, how much he loved and needed her.

After twenty minutes, Erin finally stepped out of the shower, taking a deep breath to try to compose herself. Every time she thought of Yates she was plagued by the memory of seeing Nadia's corpse. Him being back had destroyed her. Just as she was about to leave the washroom she caught sight of herself in the mirror, she quickly realized if she left now Jay would be able to read her like a book. Wrapped in her towel, she slid against the wall, gently lowering herself onto the floor.

The water had been shut off for almost fifteen minutes but Erin was still in the washroom. Jay decided to go check on her. He stood outside the door, listening, before quietly knocking. "Erin, are you alright in there?"

She sniffled quietly and wiped her face "Uh, yeah, I'll be out in a minute," she replied, hoping he didn't hear her voice shake. She stood, knowing she couldn't hide forever, and opened the door.

Jay took one look at her face and knew she had been crying. He hated being lied to, but he accepted that when it came to emotions Erin would not willingly admit to any form of weakness. He silently moved out of her way to let her go get dressed, preparing to confront her when she came out.

As soon as Erin came back to the living room Jay gestured towards the seat next to him. "Erin, I know something is up, and I want to help you. But, I can't do that if you keep bottling everything up. We're partners and now we're dating, we have to be there for each other, even when it's hard. Please, talk to me."

She silently studied the cushion she was holding, unable to make eye contact with him. "It's just seeing Yates again, it brought everything back. Nadia, her body, I thought I was over it but I . . . I was wrong. I'm not strong enough for this, I can't do it," he was the first and only person she had said this to, the first time she had put her feelings into words. She couldn't handle all the loss and pain that seemed to follow her around.

"It's over Erin. He's dead. You never have to see him again, and that's because of how strong you were. Nobody else would have been able to get that close to him, if it weren't for you, he'd still be out there. You're amazing, you're beautiful, and one of the strongest people I know. I understand that it's hard right now, but you don't have to do this by yourself. I'm here to help you, you just have to be willing to accept it."

"Thank you, Jay," she said leaning against his shoulder. He gently held her and kissed the top of her head.

"No," he replied. "Thank you, for letting me in, for trusting me."

They sat there together, in comfortable silence, both feeling safe, and at home, unbelievably grateful for the others presence.


End file.
